A Guide To The F.A.N.G.

Early on, Cobra had a need for an inexpensive, light weight, easily transportable attack helicopter.  Destro's MARS Industries came up with the FANG chopper.  It was first fielded in 1983 and was found to be effective on the battlefield.  In an urban setting they are usually deployed one at a time to perform terrorism operations.  In a theater or war, they are deployed in large numbers to overwhelm opposing forces.  The early FANGs were armed with 4 air-to-air missiles, one 500 pound "dumb" bomb and a chin mounted cannon.  The FANG was easy to fly and required a bare minimum of training.  One downside of the FANG was the open cockpit design, which exposed the pilot to small arms fire.  You could theoretically knock a FANG out of the sky with one well placed shot with a .22 rifle.  Pilot safety was of no concern to Cobra Commander though, and he ordered thousands of the aircraft over the years.  The original design remains in service.

FANG II

The FANG II was conceived to compliment the original FANG, not to replace it.  It was designed as a missile platform to provide air cover for swarms of FANG helicopters.  Its design was a departure from the original FANG in that it abandoned traditional helicopter design and went with the more experimental tilt-rotor function.  The tilt-rotors gave the FANG II extra speed and the ability to carry additional weapons.  Bristling with extra missiles and twin chin cannons, the FANG II was formidable.  Again, the downfall was its open cockpit design.  

FANG III

Military experts say the third incarnation of the FANG was an upcycled version of the original FANG.  This couldn't have been farther from the truth.  The airframe was strengthened with composite materials.  An all new turbine engine was developed.  The rotors were a radical new forward-swept design which allowed for maximum speed.  The FANG III was faster, lighter and stronger than its predecessors.  Once again, Cobra sacrificed on pilot safety by going with the open cockpit design.  The chin cannon was upgraded to a 20mm dual vulcan type design that proved to be devastating in battle.  Missile armaments were reduced to just one under the belly and 2 optional on the fusilage.  

BLACK DRAGON VTOL / FANG IV

The fourth version of the FANG was radically different.  It was much larger than any of the previous FANG aircraft and utilized 2 large turbopop engines on nacelles to power the tilt-rotors.  Gone was the ubiquitious open canopy design and in its place was a reinforced opaque cockpit shell.  No longer could the average Cobra trooper pilot this thing... you needed an Air-Viper to do the task.  Since there was no clear canopy to view the outside, everything was done by instruments.  These differences caused the FANG IV to be re-named the Black Dragon.  It was an aircraft all its own, mainly used as an attack, bomber, or transport aircraft.  

The Future Of FANGs

Over 30 years after its conception, the original FANG remains one of Cobra's most numerous aircraft.  Current versions are still being manufactured to this day.  FANG IIs are still in limited service, but are being phased out through attrition (crashed FANG IIs are used for spare parts for flying models).  The FANG III is slowly replacing the original FANG, although some units prefer the older model for its missile configuration.  Only one squadron is equipped with the Black Dragon, due to its cost ($1.8 million per unit, compared to $118,000 for a FANG).  The 9th Air-Viper Squadron "Black Dragons" takes great pride in flying the aircraft and they are considered an elite unit in Cobra's Air Force.

*FANG is a registered trademark of MARS Industries.

Casting A Spell On Me

So, I have finally decided to enter the world of casting parts for my Joes.  Last Christmas, I got the Alumilite Super Casting Kit for Christmas.  I thought it would be too messy to use inside, so I waited until the weather got cooler to bust it out.  That way I could work out in the garage in case of nasty fumes.  I also procrastinated because it seemed like a huge thing to tackle.  Casting seemed like a huge complicated thing that only master craftsmen could do.  

Nothing could be farther from the truth.  The most complicated and time consuming part was using the silicone mold compound included with the kit.  It was a little hard to mix the 10 parts of silicone to the 1 part of setting up solution.   I decided to pick up their Quick Mold Putty kit to speed things up.  Once you mix the 2 parts of the putty together, you have a short amount of time to make a mold.  My first mold was a simple press mold of a fedora hat from Bob, the Joker's Goon, who was a minor character in 1989's Batman film (don't get me started on how much better that is than any other Batman movie since).  I mixed the A part and the B part of the casting resin and poured it into the mold.  The resin starts to harden up real fast!  You don't have much time to work with it.  It turned out good!  After it set up (about 10 minutes) I dremeled out a hole in the middle so it can fit on someone's head.  

I did end up using the silicone mold maker on a junk Super Trooper head I had lying around.  I had lots of difficulties casting the head.  Air bubbles tend to congregate around the chin and mouth parts of the mold, so I had to make about 8 bad heads before I got one useable one.  It helps to follow the instructions and warm up the mold in the microwave and dust the inside of the mold with baby powder.  

I made more press molds of Indiana Jones' fedora (I have a thing for fedoras) and an M1 helmet from a generic figure I bought years and years ago.  Both have worked great.  I spent most of last night making molds of other GI Joe hats.  Tonight, I plan on a mass casting fest, making tons of chappeaus.  I haven't quite decided on selling the extras, but maybe I will.  Next on the agenda will be vehicle parts.  I had much success casting a deck clip for the USS Flagg.  I'll post some pictures when I finish them up.

Here's a sampling of some of my work si far!

And Finally... Part III of my collector's autobiography

Here it is!  Part three, the final installment of my history collecting GI Joe.  After 1994, I had not paid much attention to the GI Joe brand.  There were other things to distract me at the time... like ska and punk music, chicks, college, and beer (not necessarily in that order).  Yes, being cool was the name of the game in the late high school and college era.  It looks like I missed a great deal of cool things during that time, like the Stars And Stripes Forever set and the 1997 re-issues that popped up.  Now, I kind of kick myself for missing out on all that cool stuff, when it was so affordable.  Anyway, hindsight is always 20/20.

Fast forward a few years to 2001.  The hectic life of college was over and I was just into my television career.  I was living in a little house in north central phoenix (CenPho to all the hipsters).  There was a Toys R Us on Camelback and 7th Street that I liked to check out when I was bored.  GI Joe managed to find a way back in once again!

It all started back up again with the Real American Hero Collection.  They were a bunch of re-molds of older figures and some cobbled together parts of other figures made into new characters.  I ended up buying a couple of these, even though I was slightly less than impressed with the copyright friendly name changes.  They were nostalgic to say the least.  I even bought my first new vehicle in many years, Destro's Dominator.  I had always wanted the strange Heli-tank vehicle and this was my opportunity to own one.  The Destro figure included was lame and I was very disappointed with the bright yellow weapons and rotor blades.  

So I stopped collecting again for a few more years, until about 2004 rolled around.  I stumbled across my old boxes of Joes in the spare bedroom closet and once again I was bitten by the collecting bug.  I remember scouring all the Toys R Us stores around, picking up the remnants of the Valor vs Venom line and some of the DTC figures I could get my hands on.  The DTC figures I thought were awesome, and I was disappointed when they disappeared from the store shelves.  Luckily It wouldn't be much longer unitl...

The 25th Anniversary Pack!   I saw it at one of our seemingly daily runs to Target.  I had to have it.  The new articulation blew me away.  No more O-rings to change!  Only thing missing were the vehicles.  In a few months those started to appear... and it was on and hasn't stopped since!  

A few years ago, I kept having dreams of getting the USS Flagg again.  I never thought I would end up owning one again.  Well, I finally did manage to get one.  I used up my Father's Day cash and bought one up in a collection.  It wasn't a smooth transaction either... the guy totally ripped me off on shipping, charging me $200 to just drive it across town and drop it off in front of my house.  But... I had to pay it, it was eBay.  I sold off the rest of the stuff and kept the aircraft carrier and now it is the centerpiece of my collection, its deck is overloaded with Skystrikers, Tiger Rat, Dragonfly, Sky Hawk, Sky Sweeper, Night Attack Chopper and anything else I could cram on there.  

As of this writing, us Joe fans are facing an uncertain future.  The stores are no longer carrying the Retaliation figures and we are still waiting on word as to when the Figure Subscription Service 2.0 will ship.  These pauses are frustrating to us collectors, but I find them a good time to re-evaluate my collection and to fill in those gaps.  Believe it or not, I do not have a V1 Dr. Mindbender figure!  Hopefully, I can pick up one for a good price.  I look forward to GI Joe III when it comes to theaters and the line of figures and vehicles that will accompany it.

Part 2 of My Long, Long history of collecting!

August 1990.  I was with my Grandma and Grandpa in the back seat of their car.  The smell of Viceroy cigarettes was wafting through the air and the sounds of KTAR talk radio was blaring.  We were coming back from Payson during the waning days of summer.  The announcer came on with some breaking news.  Saddam Hussein's forces had invaded Kuwait.  War was on.  In the following months, the TV would be filled with images of soldiers streaming into the middle east.  It was the first war I remember watching live on TV as it happened.  The war was what rekindled my interest in GI Joe.  It wasn't too long after Operation Desert Shield turned into Operation Desert Storm that I was combing everywhere I could to find those Joes I had lost from a few years earlier.  

This was a great time to collect GI Joe.  Just about every comic book shop had a rumpled box behind the counter that was filled with Joes and their weapons.  The storekeepers were more than happy to get rid of them for next to nothing.  I remember buying them for about a buck a piece at certain places.  Joe vehicles were equally as irritating for comic book retailers.  They were selling them off to me for usually under 10 bucks a pop!  I scored some good deals through the regular retailers as well.  Lionel Playworld in its dying days kept the older Joes on their shelves and I managed to pick up the Mobile Command Center on clearance.  The Toys R Us across the street had an open box Night Boomer on clearance as well that I picked up (I wish I still had that one!).  A small town store called Cornet was another favorite of mine for Joe shopping (toys in general).  They had multiple years of Joe stock from a few years back, plus they still carried MASK a few years after they stopped making them!  Toy shows seemed to pop up every month at the Veterans Memorial Coliseum.  I found my '82 Scarlett at one for what seemed like a fortune back then... $15!!  

I was an older, more sophisticated GI Joe fan during this time.  In my younger days, GI Joe and Cobra would fight in straight battles.  Now I had developed complicated plots and sub-plots.  Joes died, some came back to life.  There was plenty of machevellian plotting in the Cobra camp as many strove to overthrow Cobra Commander, and they all failed.  Some plots involved time travel, wormholes, space battles and riots.  Cobra Commander even managed to get elected mayor of Pinewood, California.  Pinewood was a city I had made up a few years earlier and it was the epicenter of my Joeverse (and still is to this day).  GI Joe had a base there and Cobra was constantly trying to take over the city.  All these adventures make up the foundation of my current day Joeverse.

Sadly, it all came to an end in 1994.  Some of the last Joes I remember buying were the 30th Anniversary Action Soldier, Pilot, and Marine sets and a few of the Street Fighter figures.  I didn't realize at that time that the line was coming to an end.  My attention turned to getting my first car, and from there my life as an ordinary teenager began, and the Joes went into the attic and the closet.

COMING SOON!  PART 3!

A long, long personal history of my collecting!

Part One:  The First Wave!

I don't really remember buying my first Joes.  I only remember having them.  I can only assume that my Mom or Grandma must have bought me Zap and the Mobile Missile System at the Kay-Bee Toys at Westridge Mall in 1982.  I do remember playing around with the MMS at Piccadilly Cafeteria on what must have been the day I got it.  For years, broken leg Zap was floating around in my yellow wooden toybox.  Parts of the MMS were floating around the back bedroom of my grandparents farmhouse for many many years.  I vaguely remember having that straight-armed Hawk as well, but I didn't know their code names.  Many of the original Joes from that first year were a mystery to me.  They seemed generic and primitive compared to the releases in the next few years.  Anyway, that is my earliest Joe memory.

At my school, GI Joe was huge.  That was about all we would play during recess.  Our Jansport backpacks would be crammed with the latest figures and weapons and on days when we wouldn't them to school, we would become the Joes themselves.  My friend Tommy always insisted on being Duke and I usually had to be Flint.  He justified this by saying that he had blonde hair and so did Duke.  It was a golden age of GI Joe!  I'll never forget hunting around everywhere to find Snake Eyes and finally finding him at Smitty's.  I found Storm Shadow at Diamond's department store (before they got bought out by Dillard's).  Every store it seemed sold GI Joe.  I bought Check Point Alpha at Alpha Beta (before they became ABCO).  Christmases and birthdays were always a Joefest!  We had to return Zartan to Lionel Playworld because his O-ring broke (this was before we figured out the back screw trick).  

Sending away for hooded Cobra Commander was a huge deal.  It seemed like six months before he finally came in the mail!  He looked very regal in his dark blue uniform with official looking gold stripe running down his leg.  I was the only kid in the 2nd grade with a Cobra Commander figure.  Since they stopped selling the helmeted version a year earlier, this was the holy grail of the time. You can't forget Sergeant Slaughter too... or The Fridge.  All the mail-aways were awesome.

The ultimate was the USS Flagg.  It sat in the living room for a week... that is until my mom got sick of it sitting there.  The mighty ship was too big to fit in my room, so it went to live on the back patio.  One day, it mysteriously disappeared into my grandparents' basement.  At the time, I was kind of creeped out to go down there and play with it, so they thought I had lost interest in it and gave it to a family friend.

My first wave of interest in GI Joe sadly came to a close late in 1987.  I had switched schools and it seemed that no one there was interested in GI Joe.  So, I stopped buying them.  Some of the last Joes I bought during that time were Law and Order and Chuckles.  

NEXT:  The Second Wave:  Too Old For Joe, but that doesn't phase me!

G.I. Joe: Valor vs. Venom - The Motion Picture Extravaganza!

I don't know how I've gone this long without seeing it, but this has been on my to-do list for a while.  When this came out in 2004, I was getting back into GI Joe once again.  Most of the stores didn't seem to want to carry GI Joe, so I never found this video on the shelves.  I had to wait until it hit Youtube.  So... the other day, I actually sat down and watched it (Weeeelll, I watched it during commercial breaks).  I have always fancied myself a movie critic, so I am going to give it a go.

Anyway, I never understood what the deal was with the Valor vs Venom era was.  What the hell is a V-troop?  Who is Venomous Maximus?  What was up with the vehicles that look like snakes?  So many questions!  Apparently this movie explains it all.

Synopsis:  Adults across the world are disappearing.  A paintball game with a bunch of ragamuffin kids ends up with General Hawk getting kidnapped by the Baroness.  So it's up to Duke and the rest of the Joes to save him.  Before that, Cobra used some weird robotic flying bugs to extract DNA from a bear.  Well that really pisses off a veterinarian named Dr. Lincoln Talbot and he gets all up in the Joes bizznatch, cause he really cares about bears... or something.  I don't remember some of the other details, but there was this cool battle scene in the middle which was the highlight of the movie there were dogfights in the sky and ninjas fighting on motorcycles.  It was beautiful.

Courtesy:  Paramount Pictures

That was the best part of the battle scene.  You are looking right at it.  Kamakura jumps off his motorcycle and slices the wing off a Cobra jet.  Wow.  Just wow.  So, back to the plot.  Dr. Mindbender comes up with this stuff that turns people into quasi-animals (hence V-troops).  Cobra Commander wants him to use up a whole ton of the stuff on the captured General Hawk.  Hawk then mutates into the evil Venomous Maximus, who kind of looks like Viggo from Ghostbusters II.  Well, ol' Maximus decides that he is going to run things, so he throws Cobra Commander around like one of your childhood Joe figures with worn out joints.  The big plan is some sort of mag-lev bomb launcher that is supposed to launch the venom across the earth to turn humanity into murderous proto animals.  The Joes come up with an antidote and in their final attack, they use paintball guns filled with the antidote to shoot the V-troops and free them from their mutations.  Yes, you read that right.  So it all ends with Hawk getting turned human again and the reversed polarity of the mag-lev bomb launcher launching the bomb back into the Commander's headquarters.  The End.

The Review Part:  For being made in 2003-2004 the computer animation looks like it is from 1995.  I know, this was a direct to video release made to sell toys, but it still looks hokey.  I did like that it reminded me of the old GI Joe cartoon by Sunbow.  The best part was the battle in the middle of the movie.  It was pretty awesome-sauce.  Duke is a total ham... I really couldn't tell the difference between the computer animated character's bad acting and the bad acting of Channing Tatum in Rise of Cobra (which got a lot better in Retaliation, he must have had some lessons).

Courtesy:  Paramount Pictures - National Kidney Foundation (Kidding)

Sad part is, I actually liked this better than Rise Of Cobra!  It was GI Joe in it's purest form.  They didn't try to internationalize or hip it up.  I am pretty much rambling at this point about the movie.  I will say it is worth a look if you have an hour and 15 minutes to kill.  You might hate it, or you might appreciate the fun.

I give it a 3 out of 5

Pros:

- Hey, it's GI Joe

- Explains Valor vs. Venom and is a good follow up to Spy Troops

- Dr. Lincoln Talbot (they actually made a figure of the guy, and I own it.)

- Better than Rise Of Cobra... I'm dead serious about this.

Cons:

- I've seen Playstation 1 game cut scenes with better CGI

- Gung Ho sounds like he could be Gambit's brother, not an angry Jarhead.  I'm surprised he didn't call anyone "Cher."

- It is an hour and 15 minutes of your life that you will never be able to get back, no matter how much you bargain with the big guy upstairs.

Lazy about posting!

Sorry all!  I have been neglecting to post here lately with my random Joe thoughts.  I will try to be better in the future!!!